News Report:
President Donald Trump addressed the 74th National Prayer Breakfast on Thursday the 5th of February, 2026 , using his sixth appearance at the bipartisan event to announce a Department of Justice task force led by Attorney General Pam Bondi to investigate "anti-Christian bias."
The Gospel According to Donald: The 74th National Prayer Breakfast
Nothing says "humility and faith" like a prayer breakfast turned into a campaign rally. At the 74th National Prayer Breakfast, the "least perfect candidate" graced us with his presence to remind God that He’s lucky to have him.
The Gates of Heaven:
Trump is confident he’ll "probably make it" into heaven. Why? Because he did a "hell of a lot of good for perfect people." Finally, a theology that rewards the flawless with the help of the "most religious president in history."
Alternative Arithmetic:
Forget the records; Trump claimed, "We won the popular vote by a lot." Apparently, math is now a matter of faith, not facts.
The Holy Inquisition:
To combat "anti-Christian bias," he’s launching a task force under AG Pam Bondi. Because nothing screams "Sermon on the Mount" like using the Justice Department to "get even"—which he totally doesn't do, but "wouldn't I have a right to?"
Foreign Policy & Fleets:
Between thanking El Salvador for taking back deportees and claiming he killed the Johnson Amendment (he didn't), he reminded us that Iran is "negotiating" because "we have a big fleet going over" there.
Truly, a "tremendous success.
" If you’re a person of faith voting Democrat, Donald "don't know how" you do it. Just ask him—he’s done more for religion than any president, including the ones who actually knew the prayers.